My Crazzy thoughts & maybe not so crazzy !!: Professional Care : Beyond boundaries of life.

" Don't worry! I will take care and ensure that no harm comes and I will protect. She was my Mam in IPS.(Indore Public School). I will take care".

We have never been so stunned in life, than, when we heard these words uttered by the person taking care of the cremation formalities at the ghat ( crematorium). It must have definitely been more than 25 years since Amma would have interacted with him in school.

He had his hands folded with deep respect.

Appa identified him as Prem and mentioned he had apparently continued his father's profession.

Please read on the next few lines and visualize and I promise before the end of the article I will come to my point of this description as well.

Appa had made arrangements for the final rites to be performed in the crematorium near our house.

There was no wood to be used only kanda ( Dried Cow Dung cakes). All the Kandas were neatly arranged in the side. At the appropriate time 3 rows were laid out and a proper place was reserved for the body to be kept on the kandas. There was a lot of discussion and everyone was doling out advice to the people laying out the kandas. There did appear to be a free for all, till Appa told everyone to let them handle the job.

The priest, new to our family , the city , was worried, since it was an open area, and there were a few dogs roaming around near by. The priest's biggest concern, which he shared later with us was, sometimes the pyre when still burning is disturbed by people in search of gold, silver which people cremate with the person who passes away. So when we shared about the caretaker being Amma's colleague, his fears were somewhat abated.

The norm is to go the ghat next day where the bones of the deceased are collected and kept ready in an earthen pot. Some rituals, chanting, follows and then the bones nestled in the pot are taken to be immersed in any river close by. People have different ideas about this and once again I do not wish to engage in a discussion of these very personal beliefs.

For our family it was not possible to go to collect the bones the next day and Appa had already mentioned we will go one day later. So while the cremation was done on 31.08.2023 we went for the formalities of the immersion only on 2.09.2023. We first ventured into the ghat, accompanied by the priest, where, as promised by the caretaker the pyre was untouched. The rituals , chanting and all were completed and then it was time to pick bones- no pun intended.

The priest used a stick from a nearby tree ,looked at us with a serene expression and said we will try, I cannot predict anything. That was one the moments when you realize why doctors keep harping on Calcium and strong bones. The priest touched the area of what would have been the head and immediately got the cranium and my brother picked it up and put into the pot. next the elbows , knees followed and somewhere here I was emotionally lost and cannot remember the next sequence .What I do remember is Appa saying, 'teeth, teeth'.

Amma used to wear a denture of artificial teeth in the front row which was tied by a metal wire. Some of my earliest memories is of Amma removing the denture and brushing it separately. It used to fascinate me. Then innovation took over and she didn't have to remove the denture , however that was a set tied by metal. On Appa's insistence the priest once again touched the area of near what would have been the mouth and lo and behold ! we found the teeth too. It was a series of laughter with tears. The priest said your mother doesn't want anyone to be disappointed it is almost like she is handing it over to to you all from beyond.

After completing these formalities of the collection of the 'asti' or the bones we set out for a two hour journey in a mini bus to reach the holy river of Narmada for the immersion. That trip I will talk about some other day.

Today I want to go back to the ghat for a few minutes and share the discussion I had with the caretaker.

While waiting for a few of the rituals we were thanking him and saying kind of you to be so protective and committed. he pooh -poohed it saying that was his job. Next he said something which struck a deep chord. He said his senior official was angry with him and told him off, because apparently the kandas needed to be arranged in a certain manner for best utilization of resources and also ensure the process was completed in a befitting manner. He argued with his senior saying everyone was giving advice. His senior said, 'what do they know, you are the expert and you do this regularly, you should have just ignored them'.

That was a striking revelation of truth for me.

Would anyone give advice to any professional on how to go about doing their job? Then why caretaking of the ghat was not considered as a professional's job and why did everyone have to give their opinion , advice or whatever. I remember thinking this to myself even on the day of the funeral as to why can't people let others do their job and this sort of got endorsed. What was unexpected was the caretaker sharing about his being reprimanded.

If you want to learn about the process and the why, then the time was before or later not when the man was trying to do his job, which he does day in and day out. He is also answerable to someone since he stays in that premises, is paid a salary to do this job and this is his livelihood. I think there would be hardly any one ready to exchange that place or profession while simultaneously ensuring there is dignity in death and beyond.

I want to conclude this piece by saying this was one of the most unexpected encounters in my life or one I could have imagined.

I am so proud and happy to be a daughter of a teacher who made an impact on a colleague who stood by her, when we all had gone home for the day. I also salute the colleague who showed us by action what service actually means, in life and beyond.

P.S.( Initially we all thought Prem was her student and got a little carried away. Appa clarified, Prem was a colleague probably from the facilities department who also plays dhol (a drumming instrument) at various festivals and occasions.