Professional Care : Beyond boundaries of life.

" Don't worry! I will take care and ensure that no harm comes and I will protect. She was my Mam in IPS.(Indore Public School). I will take care".

We have never been so stunned in life, than, when we heard these words uttered by the person taking care of the cremation formalities at the ghat ( crematorium). It must have definitely been more than 25 years since Amma would have interacted with him in school. 

He had his hands folded with deep respect.

Appa identified him as Prem and mentioned he had apparently continued his father's profession.

Please read on the next few lines and visualize and I promise before the end of the article I will come to my point of this description as well.

Appa had made arrangements for the final rites to be performed in the crematorium near our house. 

There was no wood to be used only kanda ( Dried Cow Dung cakes). All the Kandas were neatly arranged in the side. At the appropriate time 3 rows were laid out and a proper place was reserved for the body to be kept on the kandas. There was a lot of discussion and everyone was doling out advice to the people laying out the kandas. There did appear to be a free for all, till Appa told everyone to let them handle the job.

The priest, new to our family , the city , was worried, since it was an open area, and there were a few dogs roaming around near by. The priest's biggest concern, which he shared later with us was, sometimes the pyre when still burning is disturbed by people in search of gold, silver which people cremate with the person who passes away.  So when we shared about the caretaker being Amma's colleague, his fears were somewhat abated.

The norm is to go the ghat next day where the bones of the deceased are collected and kept ready in an earthen  pot. Some rituals, chanting, follows and then the bones nestled in the pot are taken to be immersed in any  river close by. People have different ideas about this and once again I do not wish to engage in a discussion of these very personal beliefs.

For our family it was not possible to go to collect the bones the next day and Appa had already mentioned we will go one day later. So while the cremation was done on 31.08.2023 we went for the formalities of the immersion only on 2.09.2023. We first ventured into the ghat, accompanied by the priest, where, as promised by the caretaker the pyre was untouched. The rituals , chanting and all were completed and then it was time to pick bones- no pun intended.

The priest used a stick from a nearby tree ,looked at us with a serene expression and said we will try, I cannot predict anything. That was one the moments when you realize why doctors keep harping on Calcium and strong bones. The priest touched the area of  what would have been the head and immediately got the cranium and my brother picked it up and put into the pot. next the elbows , knees followed and somewhere here I was emotionally lost and cannot remember the next sequence .What I do remember is Appa saying, 'teeth, teeth'. 

Amma used to wear a denture of artificial teeth in the front row which was tied by a metal wire. Some of my earliest memories is of Amma removing the denture and brushing it separately. It used to fascinate me. Then innovation took over and she didn't have to remove the denture , however that was a set tied by metal. On Appa's insistence the priest once again touched the area of near what would have been the mouth and lo and behold ! we found the teeth too. It was a series of laughter with tears. The priest said your mother doesn't want anyone to be disappointed it is almost like she is handing it over to to you all from beyond.

After completing these formalities of the collection of the 'asti' or the bones we set out for a two hour journey in a mini bus to reach the holy river of Narmada for the immersion. That trip I will talk about some other day.

Today I want to go back to the ghat for a few minutes and share the discussion I had with the caretaker.

While waiting for a few of the rituals we were thanking him and saying kind of you to be so protective and committed. he pooh -poohed it saying that was his job. Next he said something which struck a deep chord. He said his senior official was angry with him and told him off, because apparently the kandas needed to be arranged in a certain manner for best utilization of resources and also ensure the process was completed in a befitting manner. He argued with his senior saying everyone was giving advice. His senior said, 'what do they know, you are the expert and you do this regularly, you should have just ignored them'.

That was a striking revelation of truth for me.

Would anyone give advice to any professional on how to go about doing their job? Then why caretaking of the ghat was not considered as a professional's job and why did everyone have to give their opinion , advice or whatever. I remember thinking this to myself even on the day of the funeral as to why can't people let others do their job and this sort of got endorsed. What was unexpected was the caretaker sharing about his being reprimanded.

If you want to learn about the process and the why, then the time was before or later not when the man was trying to do his job, which he does day in and day out. He is also answerable to someone since he stays in that premises, is paid a salary to do this job and this is his livelihood. I think there would be hardly any one ready to exchange that place or profession while simultaneously ensuring there is dignity in death and beyond.

I want to conclude this piece by saying this was one of the most unexpected encounters in my life or one I could have imagined. 

I am so proud and happy to be a daughter of a teacher who made an impact on a colleague who stood by her, when we all had gone home for the day. I also salute the colleague who showed us by action what service actually means, in life and beyond.

P.S.( Initially we all thought Prem was her student and got a little carried away. Appa clarified, Prem was a colleague probably from the facilities department who also plays dhol (a drumming instrument) at various festivals and occasions.

Bouquet brought in today by Sunaina and Gaurav to cherish Amma

Missing "SwarnaKannama" 

Stepping up to Heaven

It is exactly a month since Amma passed away.

Most romances are created in heaven and then people have to live it, curate it and nurture it on earth.

My parents were one of those couples.

Oh they had their fights and loud disagreements  and that is for another day.

Today my story is not all about what happened on Earth it is about what happened beyond that.

While everyone is familiar with Taj Mahal being the monument of romance Not everyone is going to be familiar with the railings which help to step up to heaven.

From the 4th day after Amma's departure to the world beyond we were required to go to a specific place and pour water in an earthen pot, through which the water on a steady flow was supposed to fall under a huge banyan tree. I will not delve into the religious aspects of it. The emotional aspect , it was  a ritual to be followed, I suppose to act as a catharsis. 

Pot hanging on the Banyan tree .

We were to take turns to go and pour the water in the pot. Jambu, my brother was the regular person and then one of the days it fell upon Appa and me to go and visit the place.

I will take the next few lines to describe the place and hopefully you will visualize it.

To reach the place one has to park on the road, climb a few stairs down and walk across a narrow, cement slab which connects to the place and then one needs to climb up 15 odd stairs which are unevenly laid out. then a few feet of uneven ground till you reach the banyan tree. 

My dad and I both have unsteady knees. More than my dad I need support to climb steps.

The day we went across this whole route was no mean feat with heavy rains the roads were flooded and the stairs and floors were slippery with moss.

We reached the place and poured the waters as required and were discussing how difficult the climb was with no support and the wrath of nature.

Appa and I went to pour water 

The next few days the rituals continued with my brother and my uncles doing the afore mentioned task.

Next came the 10th and 11th day after the passing away of Amma. These are important days and the rituals demand we stay in this area for a few hours. It came to our attention the bathroom which was very basic did not have a proper latch.

Feeding the Fish with Mamas and Nataraj

On both these days we were required to go down a couple of steps in another direction which were uneven and slippery. We had to feed the fish and hence needed to touch the waterbody. We firmly held on to each other and completed these as well.

The story begins now,  after seeing all these pain points being borne by not just his family but also families of all those who visited this place, my father immediately asked his handyman, to meet him. The task was assigned to him to get the bathroom latch ,toilet plastering and toilet door welding done as well as put railings everywhere as shown in these images.

Railing down the steps from the main road

 There is still some work in progress.

Railing to hold and climb up the uneven steps

Nowhere on these railings is it going to be mentioned who made them and why.

For us however it remains a lesson in romance and to live with a bigger sense of purpose to serve others.

Thank you Amma for supporting, Appa's crazy ideas when alive and now guiding him and us from beyond.

Missing you "SwarnaKannamma".

P.S.

The work in Progress was completed and here are some additional photos.

Railing 

Railing done till down below to the water body.

Cheer the Champs with Gressy and Michael

Two champs This Sunday with a mission to make an impact and inspire. Listen to them, join them and share with someone who could be inspired.
#shambavisspectrum
#cheerthechamps #motivation #community #youth

No kidding!
As usual when it comes to reading we are so stuck on Enid Blyton and then the classics before moving on to any other preteen or teen reading leading to Jeffery Archer and Matthew Reilly.
So it was with something of  a shock I realized,  the literary festival  being held in Dubai in March had many authors coming over for reading, signing and workshops and there is not one  name in the children's section who I am familiar with.  Which workshop should I take the kids to was not a difficult decision at all as I decided none.
First I need to read up on these authors and then decide maybe by next year as to which author would give my child happiness without venturing into gory world of reality or fantasy, without a blood bath and without ill-mannered children nagging their parents no end.
So happy reading time for me and till then the kids stick to Enid Blyton ###

Forward Call.

In the face of temptation don't press FORWARD.
That is my modification to my uncle's popular saying "in the face of temptation Yield"
Yes the world wide web or the net as popularly known has been around for more than 15 years now.  For early adopters like me the path traveresed has had hotmail, yahoo, rediff and google accounts. Now all these jokes, warnings on drugs etc  have come back and forth so many times that it is now difficult to count or keep track of  when,why or who started it.
Any new user who has joined the cyber space is sending forwards, left, right and center. That sounds confusing?
Our woes don't stop there.
Those who send forwards are not just sending them but there is also a followup enquiry as to why there is no response.With kids( matured in the cyber world) you can yell, with friends( growing in the cyber world) you can request but with the elders( laggards in the cyber world) well less said is more.

It would help if we had a system of identifying the date of origin of the mail which could stop people from pressing the forward button.Would it possible to have an Expiry date on forwards as well? If wishes were true some one would develop an application for that. Hey Google guys is anybody listening??

Right now the world is divided into those who send forwards and those who receive them and till the time  I am at the receiving end I have no choice but to press the DELETE button on the mail. That is infinitely better than DELETING friends.
I just hope that in the face of temptation I don't FORWARD so what I will do is SHARE !! haha....

By birth or by choice?

Mother's day brought this message for me. Before you were conceived, I wanted you. Before you were born, I loved you. When you were born, I saw your face and knew I was in love. Before you were an hour old, I knew I would die for you. To this day, I will. With Mother's Day approaching, repost this if you have children you love more than life.

I ofcourse had my own retort for it!!
My reply: "before you were conceived I didnt know you, Before you were born, I didnt love you. when you were born I was not there. Before you were an hour old I didnt know soon I would be ready to die for you. Today I want to live for you. You were born in my heart and I love you more than my life"Not just on mother's day I Love you everyday and Hope you will love me always too".
For some of us both the messages are applicable and for some just the second one.
What difference does it make?
Those who find this post difficult to understand have not realised that the second child is the one which became a part of life not by birth but by choice.

Measuring for heart attack

Last couple of years I have been listening to so many stories where people who were on the driving seat had a heart attack and died while driving.
I wonder why car manufacturers do not put a heart rate meter or a meter for measuring pulse on the steering wheel.
If one can put such measuring instruments on treadmill or cycles particlarly smart meters which show ranges going into red or danger zone etc.why not in cars. The machine can be battery operated connected to the car battery or have one for itself.
Many lives can be saved and the driver will maybe decide to not commence on his last journey at all.