Professional Care : Beyond boundaries of life.

" Don't worry! I will take care and ensure that no harm comes and I will protect. She was my Mam in IPS.(Indore Public School). I will take care".

We have never been so stunned in life, than, when we heard these words uttered by the person taking care of the cremation formalities at the ghat ( crematorium). It must have definitely been more than 25 years since Amma would have interacted with him in school. 

He had his hands folded with deep respect.

Appa identified him as Prem and mentioned he had apparently continued his father's profession.

Please read on the next few lines and visualize and I promise before the end of the article I will come to my point of this description as well.

Appa had made arrangements for the final rites to be performed in the crematorium near our house. 

There was no wood to be used only kanda ( Dried Cow Dung cakes). All the Kandas were neatly arranged in the side. At the appropriate time 3 rows were laid out and a proper place was reserved for the body to be kept on the kandas. There was a lot of discussion and everyone was doling out advice to the people laying out the kandas. There did appear to be a free for all, till Appa told everyone to let them handle the job.

The priest, new to our family , the city , was worried, since it was an open area, and there were a few dogs roaming around near by. The priest's biggest concern, which he shared later with us was, sometimes the pyre when still burning is disturbed by people in search of gold, silver which people cremate with the person who passes away.  So when we shared about the caretaker being Amma's colleague, his fears were somewhat abated.

The norm is to go the ghat next day where the bones of the deceased are collected and kept ready in an earthen  pot. Some rituals, chanting, follows and then the bones nestled in the pot are taken to be immersed in any  river close by. People have different ideas about this and once again I do not wish to engage in a discussion of these very personal beliefs.

For our family it was not possible to go to collect the bones the next day and Appa had already mentioned we will go one day later. So while the cremation was done on 31.08.2023 we went for the formalities of the immersion only on 2.09.2023. We first ventured into the ghat, accompanied by the priest, where, as promised by the caretaker the pyre was untouched. The rituals , chanting and all were completed and then it was time to pick bones- no pun intended.

The priest used a stick from a nearby tree ,looked at us with a serene expression and said we will try, I cannot predict anything. That was one the moments when you realize why doctors keep harping on Calcium and strong bones. The priest touched the area of  what would have been the head and immediately got the cranium and my brother picked it up and put into the pot. next the elbows , knees followed and somewhere here I was emotionally lost and cannot remember the next sequence .What I do remember is Appa saying, 'teeth, teeth'. 

Amma used to wear a denture of artificial teeth in the front row which was tied by a metal wire. Some of my earliest memories is of Amma removing the denture and brushing it separately. It used to fascinate me. Then innovation took over and she didn't have to remove the denture , however that was a set tied by metal. On Appa's insistence the priest once again touched the area of near what would have been the mouth and lo and behold ! we found the teeth too. It was a series of laughter with tears. The priest said your mother doesn't want anyone to be disappointed it is almost like she is handing it over to to you all from beyond.

After completing these formalities of the collection of the 'asti' or the bones we set out for a two hour journey in a mini bus to reach the holy river of Narmada for the immersion. That trip I will talk about some other day.

Today I want to go back to the ghat for a few minutes and share the discussion I had with the caretaker.

While waiting for a few of the rituals we were thanking him and saying kind of you to be so protective and committed. he pooh -poohed it saying that was his job. Next he said something which struck a deep chord. He said his senior official was angry with him and told him off, because apparently the kandas needed to be arranged in a certain manner for best utilization of resources and also ensure the process was completed in a befitting manner. He argued with his senior saying everyone was giving advice. His senior said, 'what do they know, you are the expert and you do this regularly, you should have just ignored them'.

That was a striking revelation of truth for me.

Would anyone give advice to any professional on how to go about doing their job? Then why caretaking of the ghat was not considered as a professional's job and why did everyone have to give their opinion , advice or whatever. I remember thinking this to myself even on the day of the funeral as to why can't people let others do their job and this sort of got endorsed. What was unexpected was the caretaker sharing about his being reprimanded.

If you want to learn about the process and the why, then the time was before or later not when the man was trying to do his job, which he does day in and day out. He is also answerable to someone since he stays in that premises, is paid a salary to do this job and this is his livelihood. I think there would be hardly any one ready to exchange that place or profession while simultaneously ensuring there is dignity in death and beyond.

I want to conclude this piece by saying this was one of the most unexpected encounters in my life or one I could have imagined. 

I am so proud and happy to be a daughter of a teacher who made an impact on a colleague who stood by her, when we all had gone home for the day. I also salute the colleague who showed us by action what service actually means, in life and beyond.

P.S.( Initially we all thought Prem was her student and got a little carried away. Appa clarified, Prem was a colleague probably from the facilities department who also plays dhol (a drumming instrument) at various festivals and occasions.

Bouquet brought in today by Sunaina and Gaurav to cherish Amma

Missing "SwarnaKannama" 

Stepping up to Heaven

It is exactly a month since Amma passed away.

Most romances are created in heaven and then people have to live it, curate it and nurture it on earth.

My parents were one of those couples.

Oh they had their fights and loud disagreements  and that is for another day.

Today my story is not all about what happened on Earth it is about what happened beyond that.

While everyone is familiar with Taj Mahal being the monument of romance Not everyone is going to be familiar with the railings which help to step up to heaven.

From the 4th day after Amma's departure to the world beyond we were required to go to a specific place and pour water in an earthen pot, through which the water on a steady flow was supposed to fall under a huge banyan tree. I will not delve into the religious aspects of it. The emotional aspect , it was  a ritual to be followed, I suppose to act as a catharsis. 

Pot hanging on the Banyan tree .

We were to take turns to go and pour the water in the pot. Jambu, my brother was the regular person and then one of the days it fell upon Appa and me to go and visit the place.

I will take the next few lines to describe the place and hopefully you will visualize it.

To reach the place one has to park on the road, climb a few stairs down and walk across a narrow, cement slab which connects to the place and then one needs to climb up 15 odd stairs which are unevenly laid out. then a few feet of uneven ground till you reach the banyan tree. 

My dad and I both have unsteady knees. More than my dad I need support to climb steps.

The day we went across this whole route was no mean feat with heavy rains the roads were flooded and the stairs and floors were slippery with moss.

We reached the place and poured the waters as required and were discussing how difficult the climb was with no support and the wrath of nature.

Appa and I went to pour water 

The next few days the rituals continued with my brother and my uncles doing the afore mentioned task.

Next came the 10th and 11th day after the passing away of Amma. These are important days and the rituals demand we stay in this area for a few hours. It came to our attention the bathroom which was very basic did not have a proper latch.

Feeding the Fish with Mamas and Nataraj

On both these days we were required to go down a couple of steps in another direction which were uneven and slippery. We had to feed the fish and hence needed to touch the waterbody. We firmly held on to each other and completed these as well.

The story begins now,  after seeing all these pain points being borne by not just his family but also families of all those who visited this place, my father immediately asked his handyman, to meet him. The task was assigned to him to get the bathroom latch ,toilet plastering and toilet door welding done as well as put railings everywhere as shown in these images.

Railing down the steps from the main road

 There is still some work in progress.

Railing to hold and climb up the uneven steps

Nowhere on these railings is it going to be mentioned who made them and why.

For us however it remains a lesson in romance and to live with a bigger sense of purpose to serve others.

Thank you Amma for supporting, Appa's crazy ideas when alive and now guiding him and us from beyond.

Missing you "SwarnaKannamma".

P.S.

The work in Progress was completed and here are some additional photos.

Railing 

Railing done till down below to the water body.

Cheer the Champs with Gressy and Michael

Two champs This Sunday with a mission to make an impact and inspire. Listen to them, join them and share with someone who could be inspired.
#shambavisspectrum
#cheerthechamps #motivation #community #youth

No kidding!
As usual when it comes to reading we are so stuck on Enid Blyton and then the classics before moving on to any other preteen or teen reading leading to Jeffery Archer and Matthew Reilly.
So it was with something of  a shock I realized,  the literary festival  being held in Dubai in March had many authors coming over for reading, signing and workshops and there is not one  name in the children's section who I am familiar with.  Which workshop should I take the kids to was not a difficult decision at all as I decided none.
First I need to read up on these authors and then decide maybe by next year as to which author would give my child happiness without venturing into gory world of reality or fantasy, without a blood bath and without ill-mannered children nagging their parents no end.
So happy reading time for me and till then the kids stick to Enid Blyton ###

Forward Call.

In the face of temptation don't press FORWARD.
That is my modification to my uncle's popular saying "in the face of temptation Yield"
Yes the world wide web or the net as popularly known has been around for more than 15 years now.  For early adopters like me the path traveresed has had hotmail, yahoo, rediff and google accounts. Now all these jokes, warnings on drugs etc  have come back and forth so many times that it is now difficult to count or keep track of  when,why or who started it.
Any new user who has joined the cyber space is sending forwards, left, right and center. That sounds confusing?
Our woes don't stop there.
Those who send forwards are not just sending them but there is also a followup enquiry as to why there is no response.With kids( matured in the cyber world) you can yell, with friends( growing in the cyber world) you can request but with the elders( laggards in the cyber world) well less said is more.

It would help if we had a system of identifying the date of origin of the mail which could stop people from pressing the forward button.Would it possible to have an Expiry date on forwards as well? If wishes were true some one would develop an application for that. Hey Google guys is anybody listening??

Right now the world is divided into those who send forwards and those who receive them and till the time  I am at the receiving end I have no choice but to press the DELETE button on the mail. That is infinitely better than DELETING friends.
I just hope that in the face of temptation I don't FORWARD so what I will do is SHARE !! haha....

By birth or by choice?

Mother's day brought this message for me. Before you were conceived, I wanted you. Before you were born, I loved you. When you were born, I saw your face and knew I was in love. Before you were an hour old, I knew I would die for you. To this day, I will. With Mother's Day approaching, repost this if you have children you love more than life.

I ofcourse had my own retort for it!!
My reply: "before you were conceived I didnt know you, Before you were born, I didnt love you. when you were born I was not there. Before you were an hour old I didnt know soon I would be ready to die for you. Today I want to live for you. You were born in my heart and I love you more than my life"Not just on mother's day I Love you everyday and Hope you will love me always too".
For some of us both the messages are applicable and for some just the second one.
What difference does it make?
Those who find this post difficult to understand have not realised that the second child is the one which became a part of life not by birth but by choice.

Measuring for heart attack

Last couple of years I have been listening to so many stories where people who were on the driving seat had a heart attack and died while driving.
I wonder why car manufacturers do not put a heart rate meter or a meter for measuring pulse on the steering wheel.
If one can put such measuring instruments on treadmill or cycles particlarly smart meters which show ranges going into red or danger zone etc.why not in cars. The machine can be battery operated connected to the car battery or have one for itself.
Many lives can be saved and the driver will maybe decide to not commence on his last journey at all.

"Principal - "Gone in the Hair"

Today's news headline carried a news item - Prinicpal of a school has been fired for having cut the fringe of a girl in school. Its all good
what about the fact that the fringe was too long in the first place.
No one reaches the level of a Principal of a school without having adequate academic experience apart from peoples skills.
There is no justification for cutting the hair and now the child is undergoing trauma for life!! Its not good at all.
There is no mention of how many warnings the Prinicipal or before that the teachers gave the child or why the parents were not warned or why the parents themselves did not take any action.(fringe falling on the forehead obstructs and spoils the eye sight)
One might think that we are old school of thought!
So what we wore two plaits to school till grade 12th. yes we made fun of teachers just as kids do but those were not insults which we could think of hurling at them or in front of them. Principal of school was very revered.
My parents are teachers as is my sister and it must have been in the genes because now,I am one too.
Respect has to be inculcated :Guru devo bhava( Teacher is God)
Mata, Pita , Guru, Daivam.(Mother tells the child who the father is,the father takes the child to the teacher and the teacher shows the path to God)
Even now I call my kids teachers Mam though many of them are much younger than me.
As such the teaching profession particularly is not very well paid, and day by day the parents create more hassles for teachers than what the teachers are ready to take so now we have additional reasons to discourage our next generation from taking up another noble profession.
All these years of nobility and teaching for what"gone in the hair".

Musings on war by an ordinary adult

8th April'03

'I TOLD YOU SO',SAID MY HUSBAND TO ME THE OTHER NIGHT,'YOU KEPT SAYING IT WONT HAPPEN BUT IT DID'.'I DIDNT WANT IT TO HAPPEN AND WAS IN THE PROCESS OF SELF DENIAL ,YOU CANT ACCUSE ME FOR NOT WANTING IT TO HAPPEN'.

THE HOT DISCUSSION WAS OFCOURSE THE ONGOING WAR.HE KEPT WARNING ME IT WAS ON ITS WAY AND I KEPT SAYING NO THERE WONT BE A WAR.BUT SADLY THE WAR CAME AND WE ARE WELL INTO THE 20TH DAY OF IT.YES WE SEE ALL THE PAPERS AND THE TV CHANNELS SHOWING IT TO US THROUGH MOVING PICTURES AND WORDS.THERE IS NO DIGNITY EVEN IN DEATH.

WHETHER THE WAR IS FOR POWER OR OIL OR ARMS I DONT KNOW WHAT I DO KNOW IS SO MANY INNOCENT PEOPLE ARE DYING OUT THERE AND THEY DONT EVEN KNOW WHY.HOW MANY CHILDREN ARE BEING ORPHANED.FOR MOST OF US WAR GOING ON THE TV CHANNELS FOR MORE COVERAGE IS A PART OF THE DAY AND ONCE YOU SWITCH OFF THE TV ITS GONE BUT WHAT ABOUT ALL THE PEOPLE WHO ARE LIVING THIS WAR DAY IN AND DAY OUT.

WE WERE HERE ONLY DURING THE GULF WAR IN '91BUT THAT TIME IT DIDNT SEEM SO HORRIFYING FOR ONE THERE WAS NO MINUTE TO MINUTE COVERAGE OF THE SAME BESIDES WE WERE YOUNG AT THAT TIME AND ABLE TO LET THINGS PASS US BY.NOW WE ARE THAT MUCH OLDER AND HAVE COMMITMENTS.WHEN I LOOK AT MY SON IT SCARES ME TO THINK WHAT THE WORLD IS COMING TO.HOW DO I EXPLAIN THE WAR TO HIM .WHAT DO I TELL HIM ABOUT ALL THE REFUGEES AND THE WAR ORPHANS.NO I HAVE NO ANSWER TO THESE AND JUST HOPE THAT HE DOESNT ASK ME THESE QUESTIONS.

THOUGH I AM A VERY POSITIVE PERSON THE WAR SHOWN ON THE TV AND DESCRIBED IN DETAIL IS HEART WRENCHING.THE PCITURES ARE HORRIFIC AND PATHETIC AT THE SAME TIME .THERE ARE SOME KIND SOULS WHO HAVE TRAVELLED FROM FAR AWAY COUNTRIES TO HELP THE WAR TORN PEOPLE AND KUDOS TO THEM.ALL I CAN DO IS SWITCH OFF THE TV AND PRAY.PRAYERS CAN WORK MIRACLES .THATS SOMETHING PREACHED BY ALL RELIGIONS.

I AM SURE THIS IS ONE ARGUEMENT MY HUSBAND WOULD HAVE PREFERRED TO LOSE TO ME AND I WISH I HAD WON WITH 'THERE WILL BE NO WAR'.

Revamping with Windows 7 good or.....?

I am all excited about my new laptop with 4GB RAM and 500 Gb Hard disk. Cant get better than this at least right now.
Then I receive a message which says you cant use Internet explorer 9 with anything else except Windows 7 or Vista.
Now having used Vista for 3 years I dont even realise that people still use XP.
Microsoft a great organisation and I am all for it and it amazes me no end how they keep creating new software solutions and products and force you into a situation where all the old material becomes redundant.
Good for microsoft bad for us.
I have this whole lot of cd's and games(from Windows 95 days) which just does'nt work anymore so eventually what are we to do with all that? The whole purpose of a CD/ DVD was longevity in terms of data safety so when the programs associated become redundant what is the use of longevity?
When one window closes does a door open or is it another WINDOWS?

When personal is public.

Yesterday was a busy day.I went to attend this conference. There was this guy who trying to upload the presentation to the Laptop connected to the projector using the USB drive. Though the conference had not started there was a fair amount of crowd sitting in the audience.
Our man is searching up and down his files, visible to all and sundry, and he looks at each file name and then next which means the audience is able to read the file names. It was fine till he had folders named CV and Australia and Pictures.Then lo and behold!! suddenly one realizes that every 5th file was a video file with titles like ..... hot babe..., again.....sexy something....,....blond...... so on and so forth.
Now I am the last one to judge people on their personal preferences but in a public forum one should maintain certain decorum.
This again brings me to how much do we reveal about ourselves in public without realizing.
Imagine the audience had this guy's Boss what would he perceive of the folder CV? does it indicate the guy is looking for other jobs, does not feel safe in this job or is making a statement by keeping his CV folder apparently updated enough to carry it on a USB drive in his pocket.
As such many feel that people share too much stuff online which others have no business knowing about but I disagree and say it is up to the person to decide how much he/she wants to reveal and should do only that much.
Good thing to remember is if you live in a glass house rest assured all your actions will be observed so be careful and treat the web as a glass house, infact not just the web but all gadgets which store information.

It happens only in India

This would have been just another vacation and back to the base Dubai except for the small things which made this vacation a little unusual.

On our way back from Tirunelveli to Coimbatore we stopped in hotel Aarthi in Maduraie for breakfast.which is always one of our favourite haunts as its quite close to the main madurai meenakshi temple and the food is delicious.halfway through our breakfast of idli vada and dosa we heard this jingling of bells and then appears this big elephant with her trainer in tow.we were very much surprised as it was around 7am and bit too early for elephant blessing ceremony(which is ritual in our southie temples.

But no sire our elephant elegantly and lovingly referred to as Madurai Valli Taayar(which incidentally means Madurai Valli mother)had come to have a part of her breakfast .very soon the bearer brought around 20- 40 idlis and fed them to her two at a time.next we had a big can of milk put right into her mouth (not the trunk mind you).then it was time to leave but no she would not budge without her katori of mixture(one for the road and all...)it seems before going to the temple which she belongs to she comes in the morning to have her breakfast and then again she visits the hotel in the evening for supper.this is a ritual everyday since the hotel started around 5-6 years back.and the hotel obviously considers her their lucky charm (albeit a very big one).

So next time you are in madurai, Hotel Aarthi at 7am could very well be a place you would want to visit.after all breakfasting with an elephant beats breakfasting with apes etcin zoo' like singapore any day.Any comments???

Then again it happens only in india!!!!!

In response to what did the army give you.

Hmm Yes I wanted to agree with Div( my cousin) all the way. Incidentally that morning when the original mail was received , I was going to the University I saw a school bus had stopped midway as the vehicle had come under some repair. My companion in the car said Poor kids , I just laughed and said why? the kids will be happy they have some different experience today. they will enter the school late and very proudly announce to the class as why they were late and how their whole huge bus had to be towed etc etc. Like Tom sawyer's hurt toe theirs is a new story to share today. I continued in the same vein to my companion, in grade 4 we traveled 2 hours to school in our lovely 3 tonnes. The climb used to be steep those who have traversed roopa and chindit top will agree or maybe to my eyes of a child it was steep,. Maybe the roads have changed now. Then there would be one landslide and the whole vehicle would have to take a precarious U turn and take another route to school and Yes we VIP's would walk in to class late and have our story of the size of the landslide the rows of vehicles and so on and so forth. I dont think it ever came to our minds that we should go back home nor did it ever strike our driver/ conductor etc.
They had a duty to take us to school which they did. Anycase no crazy mobile phones for the drivers to get harassed by errant parents.The 3 tonnes crossing each other from opposite side used to create so much friction that the tarpaulin would tear at times. SO all times strict instructions not to support our heads on tarpaulin behind the seat.
Train journeys were the best. You could travel unreserved in Military compartment , you had the MCO at all stations for any support.Traveled from Roopa to Misamari by road, then from misamari to Rangiya. Rangiya to calcultta via Bongaigaon I think and then calcutta to Madras and then to tiruchy. Loads of fun, staying on the platform or waiting rooms eating hot fresh food, drinking tea galore and spending almost same amount of time for connection trains as much as in the train itself.Now when flights are delayed or there are issues with train and flight I never make a sound because we grew up with waiting and knew all things would happen just that it takes its own time and no news is definitely good news.
Half of one class in Gauhati the other half in Faizabad oh it didnt make a single difference. After all appa was taking over the command of a battalion so being the CO's children was definitely more important than any 1st rank or any rank in class 7.
The Chai pakoras, jalebi, the band and the welcome team waiting in the middle of the night in the station was to be cherished and remembered always.And ofcourse poo ode naarum manakum( with the flower the thread binding it also gets a fragrance) so if appa was getting importance we were not getting any less.
Yes cantonments, Mandir parade and church parade Sunday mornings with parents was just a regular part of growing up. No one taught us to ask another person's religion. Our religion , faith, God was all ARMY.
As elders we remain the same I might ask from which place the person belongs but religion no way. I still don't know what difference it makes. To the Shivsena and RSS it does to me it doesnt. We are just Indians and like amma says son of no particular soil.
I still watch out for Republic day parade and now that I am away from the army I shed tears when I read a citation, but back then Oh a citation so proud what better glory than a death while serving the country.. yes if there was an opportunity to get in to the army for 40 + women I would opt in any day.
So army taught me many things

1. Eat what you get when you get you dont know what or when your next meal might be.
2. There will be another day so wait and be patient.
3. Dont crib about the small things in life just take it in stride this too shall pass and tomorrow is another day,
4. Dont criticise anything in life (definitely not the ARMY).Nobody is perfect and if you want to make improvements remain in the system and do it not after you come out. If you must criticize let it be for improvement not for berating.
5. Learn to be a part of your surroundings and give it your 100%. (Army is full commitment not by halves)

So dear all Thats army for me and yes laughingly in my in-laws house they call me "Military" because I am particular about punctuality and not wasting others time by being late, organising events and just generally running the show, be a part of whatever show is happening and tears, no never always ACTION!!

Thats the other thing never forget to give respect to elders and never ever forget P's and Q's
To sum up I am reminded of the Quote from "A Few Good men' one of my favourite movies, "Unit, Corps, Country,God,".And yes last but not the least 'Strength & Honour' from Ofcourse Gladiator.

Kneading the dough

When all it takes is one plastic attachment blade in the mixie or food processor why don't companies like Sumeet, Prrethi or Butterfly give it as an attachment. Phillips , Kenwood etc put the dough kneader attachment even in basic models.
All you need is a plastic blade and some instructions to add water accordingly to the aata. One does not even need oil and flat in about 2-3 minutes you have the dough for chappati ready. Further using cutting blades for chopping palak, or radish etc and then change the blade to plastic and lo and behold our palak puri aata or mooli parantha aata is ready.
Tha blade should be able to fit the big jar or small jar.
So once again why dont companies come up with some easy solution like this.Not like its going to cost the company a lot and it definitely can be used as differentiator strategy.
The original article was written in March 2010. I was happy to see an ad with Prestige showing a kneading blade. So better late than Never.

Gulfood 2010

Gulfood2010 was HUGE!!!! It was great. so Many countries, so many representations, so much tasting and so much sampling. Ice creams, juices,chocolates you name it and it was there.
Once again marketing is all about trial and that was abundant there.One day was definitely not enough to do the rounds and my shoes were killing me.
What bothers me as always is the parking issues or infact trying to get your vehicle even close by to the premises to get off the car/ bus. Like Disney world, trade center authorities should think in terms of having pick up and drop much farther away. Once the Metro becomes popular and better connected one should use that as preferred mode of transport.
Great exhibition!!Maybe will try to visit again today but thinking of traffic Hmmmm .....

Random

So it was just another day and I realised that there are so many thoughts in mind and no time to put it on paper, then it stuck me why not the techy way and just jot down whats running in mind and making the mind run.
Today in class I made a mention of kambal parade.
Fauji all the way . I am a strict in class I prefer being that way. there is a certain discipline which we all should maintain. Some may say what will you achieve after all this discipline I say mutual respect. I can safely say the class has a lot of fun we talk to each other as adults.
B2B where are the case studies for it , suddenly every case seems to be only B2C. Is that an indicator that in trying to achieve customer satisfaction the initial buyer has been forgotten or is this how the business should be done with the end consumer in mind? Does the consumer actually have a mind and if his needs are not so fulfilled does he mind?